Open Letter to America

​Dear America,
I don't want to get mean here. You know from experience that I have a powerful way with words and that--should I choose to do so--I could bring you to a quivering mass of moldy jello before breakfast. So just sit there a minute, read this, and don't interrupt.
It seems that over the last week, some of your "people" have decided that "stay at home" orders are somehow infringing upon their freedoms and it appears they just aren't going to take it any more. Just yesterday, people in Colorado, Illinois, Florida (natch), Tennessee and Washington state took to the streets carrying signs with misspelled words that basically translated into : "My freedom to march up and down the street crying like a well-armed prima donna dilettante with a case of aggravated paranoia and bad breath to match outweighs your right to stay healthy."
Earlier in the week, similar bands of outraged borderline personality disorder adherents from California, Michigan, Virginia, Utah, North Carolina and even sweet home Ohio decided to take back the deserted streets in support of the cause of. . .of. . . well, somebody told them it was a good idea. Specifically, the DeVos family. You know, Betsy DeVos, the billionaire Secretary of Education and her brother in deceit Erik Prince, former head of Blackwater USA (they love to attach your name to their machinations, don't they?). That family.
Some of these billionaires have convinced their fans and supporters among the lumpen-proletariat that all this deep state chicanery is costing working people their livelihood and therefore by God ought to by fun or by gun be brought to an ignoble end.
I don't have to tell you, America, that 1200 bucks doesn't do much to feed the bulldog, but when most of that money ends right back in the pockets of rich folks who sell poor folks crap they don't need, one need not be Milton Friedman (he of supply-side fascism) to recognize the fallacies in the whole ordeal. The only people being hurt to any real extent here is in the form of a paper cut--billionaires losing out on a few extra slices of the diminishing pie. Meanwhile, grandpa is being hooked up to a ventilator and they're still burying bodies in the alleys.
That all said, America, land that I do indeed love, I hope you will slap these people of yours awake this morning and set them right. Have them turn off Fox News for five minutes, have them stop injecting messianic balderdash into every reference to the tyrant, and ask them nicely to go home and play violent video games to help them sublimate their sexual yearnings for their maternal parents.
Whew! So glad I did not have to get ugly about this. Have a great day, America!