Aphorisms by Phil Mershon

Aphorisms by Phil Mershon

While I am neither Luddite nor Abecedarian, I do suspect that whenever we fail to consider how our progress may become a future generation's regress, we are giving God the Bronx cheer.

I have not seen my thinking cap in the better part of a decade. I remember it as being brown with a curved top and thin leather cords coming out of it, but where it is I have not a clue.

The store was all out of anti-American freedom-hating hoax-induced sheep masks, so I bought one of the regular ones and saved not only my own life, but also the lives of the miserable wretches who believe masks are some manifestation of a deep state conspiracy. If there were only a way that my mask would not protect them, then we'd really have something.

More than 3000 people crammed like meatpackers into a so-called church, almost no one wearing masks, all to give praise to the sex offender in chief and all with the blessings of Governor Douche. I love ya, Arizona. Quit breaking my heart.

Remember, with the new improved logic, if you don't get tested for pregnancy, you won't get pregnant.

We do not need police in this country. Not one cop is needed. None. All they know how to do is escalate. They all think they are Lyndon Johnson. And before you come back with the idea that without police we would be overrun with criminals, you are wrong. No cop ever prevented a crime because cops are the criminals. Life is not a television show. You want to reduce crime in this country? Put all the cops on a chain gang in Texas in August. Don't bother feeding them. Let them eat one another.

And for those few of you not yet convinced that the movie Jaws addresses itself to EVERYTHING, keep in mind that Quint refused to wear a life jacket. Shortly after announcing this, he was eaten by the shark. Hooper and Brodie wore jackets and lived. Wake the fuck up.

I'm starting a new movement. It is called The Eleventh Minute. There are no meetings and no Facebook pages and no dues to join it. All that is required is that you try to understand. The Eleventh Minute refers to the fact that most people are incapable of seeing beyond the next ten minutes, which is why we have people who pollute, desecrate, defile and destroy with no concern over the consequences. For the rest of us, for those who can see how the police murdering even one man is the same thing as the police murdering every damned one of us, there is the Eleventh Minute.

Have you ever noticed how--whether it is your horoscope or some Facebook personality test--you are invariably generous, self-effacing and a survivor?

The lawless, anti-spiritual insanity of Tucker Carlson: The God I believe in doesn't need a twerpy compensating proselytizer of hate and infidelity to one's fellow human to speak for Him. I am often amazed at how purveyors of cruelty and racism wrap themselves in the flag, hold their inverted Bibles to their chests, try to inflame everyone who disagrees with them, then cry "Foul!" when you call them out as eunuch bullies.

Speak the truth. Speak it even if your voice trembles, even if you fear retribution from businesses or being shunned by friends. Speak the truth even though others may revile you, smite you, scorn or despise you. Speak the truth even if every washed up rocker from Krist Novoselic to Ted Numbnuts blasts contrary bile back in your direction. Speak the truth and hold it up to the light so that every corrupt billionaire from Gina Rinehart to Harold Simmons and others cannot hide from the glare of that truth. Look the devils in the eye--Hannity, Rivera, Tucker, etc--and let loose a frightening laugh. Scream that truth in the faces of people who support You Know Who and then you should use the same truth to ease the pain of his victims. Speak it no matter the name of your country or the language that you speak or the accent you possess. Speak it no matter who your parents were, or who your children are. Stand on the water, cup your hands around your mouth and bellow the truth. Make sure everyone hears you. Scream until your throat is raw. Then find somebody you love and heal yourself with their presence. Speak the truth.

Up is down.
(This political post has not been fact-checked by the social media platform upon which it appears.)

I don't care who started it. Those words sound familiar? Sure. We say them to our kids when they are fighting and one of them moans "But he started it." I don't care who started it, except this is not a playground. This is the street. And in the street an unarmed man has little chance against four stormtroopers and if you dislike that characterization then go read a book and come back when you've learned something.
I don't care if a gaggle of skinhead Qanon freakazoids with mother fixations bounded into town to toss gasoline on the flames. It's all symptomatic. So while we scratch our heads and asses and wring our hands over how there are good cops out there too and golly gee hosanna let's not over react--STOP. The power that any policeman has outweighs what you have and you are constantly at risk because today they are stopping African Americans for driving or walking and guess what? Tomorrow it will be your neck under their knee, or my neck, or someone next door because if they get away with this--as they always seem to do-then they are empowered and the hate feeds the heat and that sick son of a bitch in Washington has saliva dripping off his chin. So don't you dare tell me there are good cops because I've had enough lies for a life time. Of course some police are good. Jesus, we're not stupid. But the position in society that a cop takes on puts that person in a place of remarkable power over all of us, unless what? Unless we remind them occasionally that their power is at our permission and today we say "Get back in your cop cars and if you can't protect us, then at least leave us alone."
Lethal disease as a symbol of freedom. We're so free, we walk through sick wards laughing and slapping terminal cases on the back, telling them to cheer up.

So first there was this crazy guy from some screaming TV show who became president on account of the backlash against what some people perceived to be minority privilege (even though the minorities in question, e.g., women, etc were in the majority) and this president was not so secretly a gangster oligarch who enjoyed a strange type of congress with his Russian counterpart and together they stripped all social protections that their tough guy supporters didn't need (the toughest of whom would not wear a cup during a ball-kicking contest) and then the whole world got sick, which certain transplants from Phoenix decided might really be the way the universe fought back against being abused for so many decades but what was actually happening was the Qanon-ers were drinking Drano to purge themselves of weakness while the National Guard just kind of shrugged and scratched their heads and people such as myself wondered if meat-packers were really as perverse as their job title indicated, even though observations such as that did seem a trifle adolescent, which is okay because I'm still emotionally 17 and can anyone remind me where my bell-bottoms are because I have not seen them in quite a while?

I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

William Barr's Injustice Department drops all federal charges against Michael Flynn. In a related story, SOLD sign appears at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Russian Oligarchs to complete escrow this weekend.

Most people I talk with want to continue with social distancing, wearing masks, and staying the hell out of meat-packing companies, old folks homes and college dorms (and other prisons). The Earth and I had a brief talk last week and She mentioned how nice it had been with the factories not puking out millions of tons of garbage every second. I repled that it is interesting how much stupid stuff we can actually live without, but She was meditating and I didn't want to bother Her. A few people interpret Stay in Place or at Home rules as some kind of infringement of their right to freely infect everyone they meet. Those are the people who motivate me to buy a big boat, buy Joyce some sunscreen and get myself a sturdy fishing pole and live on the sea with a near-perfect tan and lots of Vitamin D. Between now and then, let me urge you to follow your instincts as long as those instincts lead you to protecting yourself and others because it's the same people who cry the most about their toes being stepped on who support the companies who vomit all the bile on our planet.

With the exception of Jet Blue, the somewhat greedy airline industry says they do not believe they can legally make their passengers wear masks. I ask: Can they legally make their passengers wear shirts? Pants? Funny hats? On the other hand, is your dog getting enough cheese?

If we abandon the logic of protecting ourselves from this pandemic, when the virus hits with full force this Fall and Winter, we in this country will no longer have blue states and red states. We will have dead states.

Dear America,
I don't want to get mean here. You know from experience that I have a powerful way with words and that--should I choose to do so--I could bring you to a quivering mass of moldy jello before breakfast. So just sit there a minute, read this, and don't interrupt.
It seems that over the last week, some of your "people" have decided that "stay at home" orders are somehow infringing upon their freedoms and it appears they just aren't going to take it any more. Just yesterday, people in Colorado, Illinois, Florida (natch), Tennessee and Washington state took to the streets carrying signs with misspelled words that basically translated into : "My freedom to march up and down the street crying like a well-armed prima donna dilettante with a case of aggravated paranoia and bad breath to match outweighs your right to stay healthy."
Earlier in the week, similar bands of outraged borderline personality disorder adherents from California, Michigan, Virginia, Utah, North Carolina and even sweet home Ohio decided to take back the deserted streets in support of the cause of. . .of. . . well, somebody told them it was a good idea. Specifically, the DeVos family. You know, Betsy DeVos, the billionaire Secretary of Education and her brother in deceit Erik Prince, former head of Blackwater USA (they love to attach your name to their machinations, don't they?). That family.
Some of these billionaires have convinced their fans and supporters among the lumpen-proletariat that all this deep state chicanery is costing working people their livelihood and therefore by God ought to by fun or by gun be brought to an ignoble end.
I don't have to tell you, America, that 1200 bucks doesn't do much to feed the bulldog, but when most of that money ends right back in the pockets of rich folks who sell poor folks crap they don't need, one need not be Milton Friedman (he of supply-side fascism) to recognize the fallacies in the whole ordeal. The only people being hurt to any real extent here is in the form of a paper cut--billionaires losing out on a few extra slices of the diminishing pie. Meanwhile, grandpa is being hooked up to a ventilator and they're still burying bodies in the alleys.
That all said, America, land that I do indeed love, I hope you will slap these people of yours awake this morning and set them right. Have them turn off Fox News for five minutes, have them stop injecting messianic balderdash into every reference to the tyrant, and ask them nicely to go home and play violent video games to help them sublimate their sexual yearnings for their maternal parents.
Whew! So glad I did not have to get ugly about this. Have a great day, America!

The Covid-19 is a real life version of the movie Jaws. Think about it. The disease attacks from out of nowhere, with no rhyme or reason. At first, everyone denies there is really a problem because that would be inconvenient economically. Cant close the beaches, that's tourist dollars wasting! Then lots of people get killed. So a bunch of bozos show up with dynamite and try to blow the shark out of the water and bring home a dead tiger shark, which Mr Hooper says aint the killer shark, but that too is inconvenient, so it must be the killer. But it ain't. Okay, so the mayor of the town is. . .well, you know, Trump. The people blowing shit out of the water trying to be tough guys, those might be the folks who show up at all the rallies. Matt Hooper is definitely Dr Fauci. The shark is played by Covid, of course. We are still waiting for a Quint but Gretchen might be Roy Scheider. I mean, cast it any way you like. The parallels are there. Let us hope the disease has no sequels.